she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
