so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize