Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We had sex on a dog bed..
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
