is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
