I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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