I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
