Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize