My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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