Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
