I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
