omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
