I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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