Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
