New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
