i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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