so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
