She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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