I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
this is an emotional support booty call
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
