So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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