I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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