woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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