I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
