You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
