We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
