No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
