epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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