the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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