sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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