You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
