I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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