So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
