I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
