is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
