i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
