Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
