took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
