My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
