When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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