i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
