i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
