what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
