i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
