Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
