I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
