Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
