I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
