I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
She said her name was "party"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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