Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
