Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
