I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
