Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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