i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
