so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
