your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
