I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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