I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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