Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
