I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
