i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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