just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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