SEEEEXXX PLEASE
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
