I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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