4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
