We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
