sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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