that's an acceptable place to lick
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize