Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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