my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
